When you being ‘good enough’ is NOT good enough for you!
Here’s the story.
For example –
it might be an opportunity to give a talk at an event. Maybe it is an opportunity to give a presentation at work. It might even be a possible job opportunity. Maybe it is a new client!
You have created this opportunity by saying yes, or telling people what you do.
You are already ‘over-preparing’ –
and then the call comes …
change of plan.
Logically you should be dissapointed.
After all – it was a good opportunity – credibility, visiblity – even income!
So why are you weirdly reacting with a sense of – um – relief?
If this resonated – read on.
Here is one possible explanation for this somewhat bizarre reaction.
Your self-imposed need to be perfect – above average – exceptional!
Are you vain? Are you a show-off? Are you crazy competitive?
I suspect not.
Have you a rather fragile sense of self-worth?
Possibly (and you would not be alone!)
The minute you take up an opportunity – you are taking up a ‘risk’.
If you are in fear of being judged as ‘average’ or ‘boring’ or ‘good enough’ – you are likely to be a tad ‘risk-adverse’.
There is one incredibly simple way of avoiding the risk –
yeap – you got it.
Avoid the opportunity!
if you didn’t want that opportunity – why did you allow the situation to unfold in the first place?
You said ‘yes’ to the invitation.
You promoted your service – presumably to get new clients!
You even launched yourself into hours of preparation.
Well this is more understandable than you might think.
You are ambitious!
You are curious!
You DO want to take up challenges!
So there we have it –
you say yes to opportunity.
But you hold yourself to stupid high ‘standards’ – and that is exhausting.
With every step you take towards the moment of ‘risk’ – the moment of judgement…
you start to wish you had said no!
You even wish for something to happen that will give you a good enough excuse to back out!
All the better when you don’t need to make that excuse – because the ‘event’ is cancelled!
Right – this is all a bit daft and you are certainly ‘self squashing’!
So – what to do?
Self-awareness and a bit of trying out, observing and trying out and observing – I call this TOTO! Try Observe Try Observe.
- Self-awareness – Press pause and put your response on the forensics table!
Try using my FIBs method.
What are the Fears, Illusions and Baggage that hold you back?
Why are you relieved when an opportunity is cancelled?
|eg: I won’t live up to expectations.||I have to be exceptional – not average.||Felt like a dissapointment to my father!|
2. Now experiment – TOTO style!
- Take a pause before you say yes – your people pleasing tendency PLUS a natural sense of self-challenge and curiosity…. might lead to hasty decisions that you feel less enthusiastic about a few hours later!
- With each opportunity moment – be more assertive about what YOU want! If it is a talk – don’t just take a brief blindly! The more ‘you’ approach there is – the more you will welcome the opportunity as you work on preparing and then get to the ‘delivery’ moment.
- Do an audit on what you are ‘putting out there’ as being ‘on offer’! Is it time for a refresh? Are you offering services to clients that you don’t REALLY feel aligned with anymore? Who do you WANT to work with?
Above all – enjoy the process of doing the forensics and the experiment!
Stay curious and unsquashed.
How about an ‘Unsquasher Hour’ – or longer coaching programme?
Explore options and find out more about my unsquashing methods at www.trishalewis.com.
Explore my podcast, podcast guesting, videos, TEDx talk and articles for free!
Invest a little in my book – The Mystery of the Squashed Self.